Enjoying my kids

of TV shooters and melting like an ice cube

2011-09-14T17:03:00.001-07:00

goodness. it's been awhile since i last posted.
but a few things have happened since then, mostly notably a finished dissertation.

hoping to start this up again.

here goes.

some jacob-isms:
-he calls TV satellites "TV shooters"
-this morning, he said he was so cold he was "melting". "Mom - I'm melting. Help me. I'm melting into an ice cube"
-he frequently whispers (to no one in particular): "Aslan is on the move". Listening to books on CD, especially Narnia books is one of his favorite activities. Junie B Jones is another.

eli-isms:
-he REFUSES to use his high chair and demands that he sit in a regular chair like everyone else
-he demands to have a pillow in his crib, that he be tucked in like the brothers, that he be given a stack of books just like the brothers
-he still likes to throw things - across the table, across the room. He has a great arm so sometimes we don't get mad but rather we comment on the good throw.
-he's obsessed with Whitby (our backyard neighbor dog)

david-isms:
-he LOVES playing on his soccer team (jon's the coach).
-he's still so competitive with just about everything that he cries when he loses (this happens frequently when we play board games).
-he still wants to marry gaby rooks when he gets older.

claire:
-she loves reading the Boxcar Children, A to Z mysteries, Geromino Stilton.
-her 4 front big teeth are finally growing in. watching her try to each corn on the cob or an apple is quite funny
-she LOVES her 2nd grade teacher and class
-she's into finding fossils

that's it for now. enjoying my kids. that about sums it up.

Lent

2011-03-27T08:06:00.001-07:00

My dear friend Lynn gave me a new idea for a Lenten practice. She suggested that I try to do random acts of kindness during Lent, a way of adding something during Lent rather than taking something away (as I've often done in the past). While I realize we're already almost half way through Lent, I'm posting this as a way to hold me accountable.

I've tried to get the kids involved in this practice. At night time, Claire and I try to tell each other what we did (when we remember). We then brainstorm other things we could do.

Here's a list of some of what we've done...
-flowers to a neighbor
-holding the door open for someone in the grocery store
-buying a coffee for a college student at lemonjellos
-letting someone go ahead in a line (that was one of Claire's!)
-sending a card to someone who wasn't feeling well
-asking someone to play with you (Claire's idea)

I've been thinking a lot about this in these last few weeks, weeks of more intense dissertation writing for me and thus, less of everything else that I/we normally do.
Is it easier to show kindness to strangers? Is it easier to be random about it? Or does the randonmess encourage more of a discipline of kindness?

I've been thinking about this concept of "discipline" since reading 1000 Gifts. This book is about living a life of gratitude/thankfulness. It's more than saying thanks. It's more than being thankful at particular time. It's about living thankfully, grace-fully, with a spirit of God's goodness to us all the time.

It's hard work!

I try to write down 3 or 4 specific gifts of my day in a notebook before I go to bed. I started listing general ones (friends, kids, good weather) and then challenged myself to be as specific as possible. It has been in this specificity that I feel I'm (slowly) changing the way I see and experience things.

To be thankful for my children is one thing. But, to be thankful for the tight grasp of fingers around my neck when Jacob gives me a hug, or the smacking noise that Eli makes when he tries to imitate Jon giving me a kiss on his way out to work, or the twinkle in Claire's eyes when I get to the punchline in the funny story I'm telling her or when I see David working hard to find the tiny piece of LEGO that Jacob says he has to find right now...these are gifts that I can continue to look for and be aware of.

The specificity of gifts, something I once viewed at being thankful for "tiny" or "little" things, encourages me to be attentive, to be more present so I can notice them, enjoy them, express thanks for them.

take apart party

2011-02-06T11:53:00.000-08:00

last night we had a demolition party with some friends. we collected as many old/broken electronics that we could find (cameras, fax machine, laptop, toaster, etc).

we let the kids take them all apart. it was awesome.

jon was in his glory. while i was proud of myself for getting screws out and opening up a camera face, jon was creating his own little machines by hooking up batteries, wires, fans, etc. jacob and david loved taking the keys off old keyboards. claire loved making art creations with the pieces she found.

it was cool, and, it was a good step for me in getting past my fear of physics (lest i forget how i didn't understand a thing in my physics class in high school).

he's a smart one

2011-02-06T11:50:00.000-08:00

we're trying to keep eli's pacifiers in his crib (only giving them to him when he takes a nap or goes to sleep for the night).

the little stinker makes a bee-line for the stairs whenever we put him down. he climbs the stairs in a matter of seconds, giggling to himself as he does it. then, he makes his way to his crib in his desperate attempt to get his pacifiers.

i've got to give him points for that.

"Nasty" he said

2011-02-06T11:49:00.000-08:00

and then I laughed before I could stop myself.

Where does a 3 year old come up with a word like that?

how fiction can be true...

2011-02-02T10:37:00.001-08:00

some of my fav lines from because of winn-dixie:

The preacher: "Dear God, thank you for warm summer nights and candlelight and good food. But thank you most of all for friends. We appreciate the complicated and wonderful gifts you give us in each other. And we appreciate the task you put down before us, of loving each other the best we can, even as you love us. We pray in Christ's name. Amen"

Gloria Dump: "There ain't no way you can hold on to something that wants to go, you understand? You can only love what you got while you got it"

Gloria Dump: "It's different for everyone," she said. "You find out on your own. But in the meantime, you got to remember, you can't always judge people by the things they done. You got to judge them by what they are doing now. You judge Otis by the pretty music he plays and how kind he is to them animals, because that's all you know about him right now. All right?"

India Opal: Just about everything that happened to me that summer happened because of Winn-Dixie

A to Z mysteries and Nancy Drew Clue Crew

2011-01-25T18:21:00.001-08:00

We've been struck by detective fever these last few months. The kids love reading mysteries and there seems to be no end in sight to the stacks of A to Z mysteries and Nancy Drew (elementary school version) that they get from the library.

Though the "series" aspect of these books drive me crazy, I have to remind myself that series reading is a normal part of kids' reading development and that I was a huge series reader when I was younger. Nonetheless, I'm trying to get the kids to predict the oh so predictable story structure in each book.

Sometimes it cracks me up when I hear their predictions (of "who done it?"). David in particular makes me laugh (inside!). With a serious face, he'll guess that a character in a different book or even different series was the one who stole the stamp or who kidnapped the prince. Jacob tends to use the same 3 words when talking about the books: "robbers", "police", "bad guys". And Claire? When I read the books aloud to the three of them, she usually sits to my left and just stares at my face when I read.

Claire's Ramona party

2011-01-25T18:19:00.001-08:00

It was wonderful.

We squeezed toothpaste out of the toothpaste tube. We pulled Kleenexes out of the box. We made fortune teller cards. We watched Ramona and Beezus.

Jon thinks I'm silly but I really do think that birthdays are pedagogical opportunities to help inspire kids to read and relate to characters in books.

Can't wait until David's Narnia party!

Because of Winn-Dixie

2011-01-25T18:11:00.000-08:00

Claire, Jacob, David and I are reading this book together at bedtime.

I love the writing style. Not sure how much the kids will pick up from it but I've been feeling guilty about my "no pet" rule, not guilty enough to change it, but enough to want to continue reading stories about pets.

David and Jacob acted out Winn Dixie and Whidby (our friends' dog) today. They put socks on their hands for paws. They ran around the house chewing on bones. They didn't smell or shed hair or make a mess. It was lovely.

Mom - do you get lonely? and other Claire questions

2011-01-25T18:02:00.001-08:00

I haven't posted for a long time.

But, writing short blurps on here seems like a great procrastinating activity for doing work on the dissertation. So, I think I'll start again.

Yesterday on the way to school, from way back in the van, Claire asked me,

"Mom, when you go away by yourself to write your book, do you get lonely?"

I told her that sometimes I did. That it's hard leaving the fun that they and dad often have when I leave. That sometimes I don't feel like I know what to write or that I just don't feel like writing. But, I also said that I need to do my work and I need to be alone so that I can do it and that I love what I'm learning about.

Her question fascinated me because I'm so curious how she (as my oldest) is making sense of this crazy year I'm having in trying to finish my dissertation. I've told her that I'm writing a book. "What page are you on now?" she'll often ask when I get ready to do my work. "Is the book about us?" she's asked.

I'm also thinking about how I'm sponsoring her concept of "writing" and how I can help my kids think differently about writing by sharing with them my process (i.e. that I don't start on page 1 but that I write lots of things and then after I write them down, I move them around and then figure out what my story is about).

Fun stuff.

Such interesting questions

He cried

2011-01-25T17:59:00.000-08:00

We took down our Christmas tree the day after Christmas. We had good reason - we were leaving for a weeks vacation to Toronto. I just wanted the Christmas stuff down so that when we came back we'd be ready for school and regular schedules again (aka my tidy control nature coming through).

So, while the young ones were napping, we took the lights and decorations off the tree.

When Jacob got up from his nap, he came downstairs and saw the bare tree.

He cried. "Put it back on" he demanded for at least 1/2 an hour. "I want it back!"

I think it's my tendency to look ahead to the next thing. Jacob reminded me to celebrate something fully, to the end.

Jacob-isms

2010-09-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

"mommy - pick me up"

"tank you mommy tank you"

"i lovf you forever and forever"

favorite songs: john jacob jingleheimersmidt, on grandpa's farm, hokey pokey, jesus loves me,

favorite TV show: kippur

the year of focused calling

2010-09-03T18:53:00.001-07:00

it has begun.

i started calling this year of dissertation writing my year of saying no (to everything except to my family and to my dissertation).

my wise sister Sarah encouraged me to reframe that as my year of focused calling. it's my year to focus specifically on my dissertation, to my calling as a scholar, researcher, writer.

i vacillate between feeling overwhelmed, feeling extremely blessed and fortunate (so few people in this world get the luxury of having the time/opportunity/job to thinking/writing/reading), feeling resentful of the demands of this work (for me, for Jon, for my kids), feeling excited about what i'm researching, and on and on.

i remember in my guidance committee meeting a few years back, one of my committee members asked me about the affordances that motherhood provides for my life as a scholar. the question took me off guard. i hadn't even considered having space in that meeting to discuss such an issue.

years later, i'm still reflecting on that question. and, i'm thinking about the interrelated one: how my scholarship helps me with motherhood/parenting.

more to come.

he is a gift to us

2010-09-03T18:50:00.000-07:00

eli has 7 teeth. he sits up. he eats finger foods. he brightens up a room with his smile. he, like all of them, is a gift to us.

someone asked me how old he was a few days ago. i told them that he was 6 months old. jon reminded me later that eli is actually nearing 8 months.

oops.

i think i'll be doing that to him for the rest of his life.

steps away from us

2010-09-03T18:46:00.000-07:00

claire was itching to go to school this morning. "when can we go?" she kept asking as i was trying to feed eli, clean up the breakfast dishes, get jacob and david dressed, pack claire's lunch and put a few dabs of makeup on my face.

when we got there, we put her stuff in her locker and then went to her desk. as i was leaving, claire started hanging on my arm really tightly. and then, the tears came. "don't go mama" she said. "i want to stay with you"

her kind teacher gave her a hug and gently led her into the classroom. i waved good-bye and watched her enter the world of her first grade year, a world she's ready to enter, but a world that's new and different for her, for all of us.

i stood there waving, and then, my tears came.

parenting is about letting go - i know that. it's about letting go and blessing our children in the new steps they take. i think that this morning i had the realization, in the depths of my heart, that those steps are often steps away from us.

The Trumpet of the Swan

2010-09-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

E B White comes through once again.

This time David, Claire and I are reading about Louis. He's delightful. And, we're all caught up in the drama. Should he have taken the trumpet? What will happen to him?

We came across the word "cygnet" in another book we were reading. "Mom!" Claire said with a big smile. "We know what that means!"

I think that's one of the biggest reason that I enjoy reading to my kids - the shared experience, the learning of new names, places, people together. In my grad school speak, I'd describe it something like: "the social purposes of literacy, the literacy practices embedded in relations, in home life, in parent child relationships". In my life at home, it's much more simple. It's one of the few times in my day when we all sit down together - they sit on my lap or close enough for our shoulders to touch. We talk, we read, we ask questions, we offer ideas, we laugh, we gulp in the story and always want more.

This past summer, we went to 3 HSRT children's performances: The Brand New Kid, Busy Town and Frog and Toad. Wonderful. All of them. Jacob still runs around and acts out the snail mail carrier from Frog and Toad. I catch David singing the "Cookies, cookies, cookies" song when he thinks no one is listening.

the boys and dress-up

2010-09-03T18:31:00.000-07:00

with claire away at school, it's been fun to watch david and jacob at play together.

and, dress up seems to be the hot activity as of late.

in a 15 minute span, they had dressed up as "workers", as "surfers", as "sledders", and as "scary tigers".

they made me laugh. it would, however, have been more enjoyable for me had i not needed to assist them with just about every clothing change.

i do, i do

2010-07-11T18:57:00.000-07:00

in these past 2 weeks, i attended a wedding of a friend, helped grandma elly and grandpa tony celebrate their 50th anniversary and had a date night with jon - we went to a hope summer repertory theater production of "i do, i do", a play about the married life of a couple.

it's good to go to wedding and be reminded of the vows you made. in the sermon at the service, the pastor talked about how couples should "uncommonly bless" each other and those around them. i like that. "uncommonly bless"

i can't explain you

2010-07-11T18:55:00.000-07:00

david has been getting some words mixed up lately. it makes me laugh.

his latest: mixing up "understand" with "explain"

on the phone with tianna: "tianna, i can't explain you. mom - she's speaking too quiet"

his other funny thing? saying that he was really cheering for whichever team won. for example, today, after hearing that the dutch lost the world cup, he said to jon, "dad - i was really cheering for spain"

rock factory and flower shop

2010-07-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

for hours upon hours during these sunny summer afternoons, the kids have been busy in the garage.

at first it was their school. claire acted out her kindergarten teacher "mrs johnson". they had recess. they had math time. they read. they requested food for lunch.

then, it was butterfly catchers. the burkes gave us some butterfly nets and the kids have spent afternoons upon afternoons looking for, running after and then trying to catch butterflies. there has only been nominal success as far as i can tell but their shrieks of delight during the whole process are evidence enough that the amount of butterflies captured isn't the goal.

and then, the most recent activity in the garage has been "rock factory". rock factory, as i have been able to gather (using the qualitative research skills that i've been developing as i work on my dissertation) is that the kids take rocks, spend lots of time deciding who gets which rocks (there seems to be a hierarchy of entitlement going on with angela and claire at the top and david at the bottom and then jacob at the way bottom), and then work hard at smashing the rocks into smaller rocks and/or rock sand. when they take breaks to catch butterflies, they put a sign out on the garage door and appoint david as the "guard".

as i stand in the kitchen and clean or cook and glance out at the activity coming in and out of the garage, i smile. i am reminded to delight in small things.

summer is good.

storytime with grandma alice

2010-07-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

grandma alice and grandpa case live down the street from us. lately, david and claire and their faithful sidekick angela have been going over there to sit on the front porch and hear grandma alice tell stories.

alice is a fantastic storyteller but she also gives the kids lots of candy when they visit her. my hunch is that their motivation in going (every day for the past week!) is for a bit of both.

the other day i stopped by to make sure that it was ok with alice and case that the kids keep coming over. it seems that the kids have been giving alice and case as much entertainment as what they try to provide for them. alice told me about a conversation the kids had with her last sunday:

alice: ok kids, grandpa case and i have to get ready for evening church.
david: you go to church two times on sunday?
alice: yes
david: why do you go to church twice?
alice: because grandpa and i need to get wiser
a few minutes later...
david: can i go to church with you sometime? i want to get wiser too

Bambi mom died sad

2010-06-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

I let the kids watch Bambi when I was at my parents' in April. David was too freaked out to watch all of it. He came upstairs part way through and didn't want to watch anymore of it.

Jacob, on the other hand, was mesmerized. I'm not sure how much he picked up of the film but he did say, repeatedly, in the days that followed "Bambi mom died. Sad".

And, still today, 2 months after viewing it, says "Bambi" every time we pass a section of trees.

the power of story

2010-06-18T12:33:00.001-07:00

After reading Pippi, we watched the 1974 film version.

It looks 1974'ish - the camera angles, the special effects, the fact that the film was dubbed in English...

And yet, the power of the story came through.

When Pippi was saying good-bye to Tommy and Annika, I looked over at Claire who was sitting beside me on the couch. I noticed that she was crying. "I don't want her to leave her friends" she said tearfully. "But I want her to be with her dad".

These moments are beautiful to me - they are when the Truth in a story comes out and speaks to our own sense of Truth of what is right and wrong in the world, of what could or should be. Pippi is fictional but what the story says about friendship, about fun, about wonder is Truth.

David's imagination

2010-06-18T12:28:00.000-07:00

It seems that David is developing quite the imagination lately.

"I have a button that I can push and then my eyes pop out" he told Claire the other day.

The ever practical older sister asked him if she could see it.

His reply? "I can only use the button at night." He then elaborated on his idea (probably because he noticed that he had garnered quite the audience. "I can also push a button and pop my head out. All my body parts. And then I go down on a waterslide..."

David's competitive nature is also coming through more and more these days.

"I'm smarter than you" he told our 8 year old neighbor friend Angela.

"You are?" she challenged "What's 30 + 2?"

"I know it. But I can only say it when I'm sleeping"

"I'm being God"

2010-06-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

Not sure where he came up with this but Jacob was parading around our house this morning with a blanket wrapped around him.

"I'm being God" he said.

happy heat wave

2010-05-25T19:52:00.000-07:00

for 3 days now, we've been enjoying a MI heat wave

and, we're living it up large. eating cream popsicles. swimming in the kid pool. using sidewalk chalk. dancing around the crazy daisy (sprinkler). biking over to the downtown fountains and playing in them. eating dessert on our front porch. having sleepovers in the bedrooms that have air conditioners. and, my favorite, a glass of wine the minute jon steps in the door (as opposed to when we sit down for supper 5 minutes later...believe me, those 5 minutes make a huge difference!)

happy summer.

pippi...she still has the appeal

2010-05-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

we're reading pippi longstocking right now and claire and david laugh out loud when we read it.

jon remembers watching the tv show. i remember reading it and seeing film versions.

claire tried to sleep like pippi does last night (with her feet on her pillow and her head under the covers). david loves hearing about the monkey. jacob said "pippi egg on head" when we ate eggs on sunday morning.

and, our neighbor caroline whose father is swedish, just brought over some swedish cookies that pippi made in the book (serendipitously she made them for a school assignment).

yup. pippi, like all the others, has joined our family

david did it!

2010-05-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

the smile across his face could have lit up the world.

he was so proud of himself.

he did it.

he learned how to ride a two-wheeler last week and hasn't stopped biking since.

so fun to see him happy, confident, giddy with joy.

claire the librarian

2010-05-25T19:21:00.001-07:00

claire and her friend angela have turned claire's bedroom into a library.

there's mountains of books piled up in her room, all in carefully planned out orders and quantities. there's a check out area. there's a reading area.

they act out the librarians and get david and jacob in trouble if they talk too loud (even though i've worked so hard to get them past the stereotype of librarians telling people to be quiet!).

after telling her that i think librarians are some of the most powerful people in the world because they get to chose which stories a community/city gets to read, claire decided that she wouldn't have any bob the builder stories or barbie stories but that she'd have lots of bearstein bears, caillou and pippi longstocking.

as i try to make sense of my theoretical framework for my dissertation, that of literacy sponsorship - the people, institutions, commercial/cultural forces that influence individual's literacy development and acquisition, i can't help but wish that i could just study my own kids.

"You see George, you've really had a wonderful life"

2010-04-08T19:28:00.000-07:00

I feel that way.

Mochas. Flowers. Cards. A birthday video. Presents. Phone calls. A list of why I'm loved.

Jon, kids, family, friends: thank you.

on parenting and tv shows

2010-04-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

jon and i have started watched some new tv shows.

modern family. the middle.

very different shows. different reasons why we like each of them. but they bring us laughter, insight and a needed break from tasks around the house.

if i were to write a memoir some day, i think i would use TV shows as my chapter titles:

cosby show: growing up
sisters: high school
boston public, ally mcbeal: first years out of college
west wing: first years of marriage, first kid
six feet under: when david was a baby
wire: when jacob was a baby
the middle: eli's birth

eli

2010-04-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

just realized that i don't even have a tag for darling eli. wee one as i like to call him.

it's probably because i usually do my blog posts at night and night time is his fussy time. jon and i take turns holding him, rocking him, showering him with attention.

he's 3 months old already.

he smiles with his whole mouth. not just an upwards lift of his lips. it's an all out open mouth grin.

i could just eat him up.

i do know i sit and stare at him more than i did with the other kids. he's my last baby. my last chance to be present in these his moments of baby-being.

people ask me what kind of personality he has. with each kid i've had, i've become less and less able to respond to that kind of question. i'm just not sure.

it could be because i'm less tuned into how eli is different than the others, that this collective mass of baby personalities has merged together, that i feebly try to define him by what the others aren't or are.

but i think it's also because i've grown much more humble as a parent over these 6 years. there's much more that i don't know and there much more that i'm ok with not knowing or needing to label or fit into a tidy label or description.

who's the boss?

2010-04-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

for better or for worse, i've been using "the boss" terminology.

when we have a sitter over, i'll often tell the kids that when i'm gone, the sitter is "the boss". i then go into the list. "claire, you're the second boss. david, you're the third boss". and then, because jacob is screaming "jacob, jacob, jacob" because he wants to be included, i always add "and jacob you're the fourth boss".

today claire and david were fighting over something, i don't even remember what it was. i told them that i was going to take it away. "it's not fair" david retorted.
"it is because i'm the boss" i said.

"mom. you're not the boss" he said with a very serious look on his face.

"oh yeah? who is then"

"Jesus is the biggest boss" he said. then he walked back outside.

sarah plain and tall

2010-04-08T19:05:00.000-07:00

the kids and i started reading it today.

i cried on the second page.

it's such a good book.

claire loves the little brother character. i'm sure he reminds her of david.

she asked what "plain" meant. i wasn't exactly sure how to define it for her.

david james wants to be a ninja

2010-04-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

this morning i took claire and david james to a children's ballet performance in grand rapids. the title of the show was: every princess ballerina needs a superhero dancer.
it was a story about an older sister who wanted to be a princess ballerina and didn't want her pesky little brother playing with her.

rather fitting for the two of them.

we all really enjoyed the show. david's best part was watching the "ninja dancers". not surprising as ninjas are a bit like street break dancers and knights put together, two of his favorite roles to assume when he plays.

jabob seech 'chool...case in point

2010-04-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

last week jacob started going to "speech school". it's actually an early on playgroup (federal funds) designed for 2 year olds who need extra help in lots of different categories. there's a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, a behavioral therapist, etc.

jacob loved the idea of going to school. the morning of his first class, he put his backpack on the minute he woke up. he didn't say goodbye to me when i dropped him off. when we got home, he immediately went to our fridge with his craft in hand and demanded that i display it there.

he's only had 2 classes but does seem to really enjoy them.

his speech issues have made me much more aware of the developmental steps in the speech process. with claire and david, i remember really enjoying watching and hearing them developing their speech. but with them, it was effortless. i remember david going from not talking to talking in sentences in what seemed like a matter of days.

with jacob, it's been more frustrating as i've struggled to understand what he's communicating. paying more attention to his speech though has revealed to me the complex ways in which speech does develop. i'm noticing a lot more - new vocabulary words, new sentence structures, new phrasing and i'm really enjoying this too.

happy birthday - jacob style

2010-04-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

i woke up on the morning of my 35th birthday listening to jacob singing in his bed.

it went something like this:

happy birthday to you happy birthday mommy, monday, tuesday, monday, tuesday, can we fix it, jesus loves me.

a wonderful compilation of his latest favorite songs: happy birthday, a days of the week song, Bob the builder theme song, and his all time favorite jesus loves me.

not a bad way to wake up. and, in some ways, a very profound message to ponder.

2010-03-23T18:51:00.000-07:00

MOM! askyouquestion

2010-03-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

We've signed up Jacob for speech school. Last month we had an EarlyOn speech therapist come into our home to assess Jacob's speech. Her prognosis wasn't surprising to us: expressive language delay and hypernasality (Mom VD and Laura's speech expertise has come in handy for us).

Basically, Jacob often doesn't pronounciate things well (though there doesn't seem to be an identifiable pattern) and doesn't often put words together, still talking at the one word sentence level.

He does, however, have a wide vocabulary. His moment to shine during the assessment was when his sock fell off while he was doing one of the activities. "Freezing" he said and then tried to put his sock back on. I do take full credit for introducing this word into his vocabulary as I say it all the time (living in an old house during a MI winter...I shall say no more).

In the past week or so, we've seen some improvement in his speech. He's been using more action verbs. He's talking in a few more two word sentences ("eat it" "shoe on").

He's also started responding to ANYTHING we say with "why?"

Me: Jacob, get your shoes on.
Jacob: Why?
Me: Because we're going outside.
Jacob: Why?
Me: Because it's nice outside.
Jacob: Why?
Me: Because it's almost spring.
Jacob: Why?
Me: Because God made it that way.
Jacob: Why?
Me: Because God wanted order and structure in our world.
Jacob: Why?
Me: Because God's creation reflects who God is...

OK. I usually never even get past the second "why?" because, to be honest, I'm not even sure Jacob knows what "Why?" means. I think he's learned that when he says it, he gets a response. And, as third kid, there is a small small chance that he might not get as much attention as say his older sister did. This also might explain his yelling, screaming and extremely loud talking.

The other thing he's been saying is "MOM"...I'll stop there, he usually prefaces everything he says with MOM, MOM, MOM (there is another small small chance that I don't respond right away to when my kids talk to me). Anyway, Jacob's been saying "MOM askyouquestion (one word).

We know he picked this up from Claire who has been saying this for the last few months.
Claire: At the dinner table, "Mom, can I ask you a question?"
Me: "Sure Claire"
Claire: "Mom, can I be done?"

Jacob's version is to string all those words together.
Jacob: MOM askyouquestion? (he even does the intonation)
Me: Sure Jacob, what is it?
Jacob: silence. Stares as me.
Me: Jacob, did you want to ask me when we're going to the waterpark?
Jacob: nods his head

Ah. I love this kid so much. His excitement for life is contagious. The little glimmer in his eyes when he discovers something new, the smirk on his face when he finds something funny, the feel of his arms around my neck when he's giving me a hug. The stories he could tell. And, once he starts talking more, I'm sure he will.

Our mini-vacation...with the emphasis on "mini" and the sarcasm on "vacation"

2010-03-23T17:53:00.000-07:00

frankenmuth, MI (2 hours away from us), overnight stay in a hotel/indoor waterpark.

spring trip 2010.

we have returned. it was quite the trip.

our first trip since we've become a family of 6. and, we're happy to say that we survived, survived but didn't exactly thrive.

where to start?

let's just say that there seemed to be a discount at the waterpark for people with extremely large tattoos. there were also a proliferation of warning signs telling waterpark goers to limit their time in the park because of the extremely high chlorine levels. and, though the hotel had recently been "refurbished", the 1980s wallpaper border was left behind.

let's just say that though there were 5 slides in the waterpark, a basketball area, a river, a splash zone and a playground, my kids preferred "the hot pool" (aka the hot tub). actually preferred is not strong enough. we had to forcibly remove david away from it.

let's just say that the town of frankenmuth was really just an extended version of holland's windmill island except with a german theme. Kitschy (please notice the capital K)

let's just say that early on in the trip, jon and i high-fived each other because the trip was going so well. we didn't, however, high five each other when jacob had a complete meltdown in the bavarian inn, home of the world famous chicken dinner. or when the kids refused to go to sleep even though it was 10pm, viewing their big hotel beds as gymnastic mats. or when the kids put themselves in front of the TV (not even turned on) at EVERY CHANCE THEY GOT pleading and begging us to let them watch TV and not go back to the waterpark. or when, in the world famous bronner's christmas store (how can everything in this town be world famous?!), i had sales clerks following my every move. 4 kids in a store dominated with dainty christmas ornaments and precious moments figurines...i guess it was rather dangerous.

jon's final comment of the trip, as we pulled into the driveway, "just think deb, it can only get better"

The ballet

2010-03-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

I took Claire and David to see a ballet last night. Claire and I had seen the performance before but she really wanted to go again and really wanted David to go with her.

On a sidenote, the two of them have been getting along so well lately. "Claire's my best friend" David told me the other day. He gets so excited when she comes home from school and is often so disappointed when she goes up to her room to have some alone time. The two of them play Uno, Slamwich, Sorry, and Go Fish. They play up in the attic for hours or go outside and construct elaborate worlds of snow or mud. Last weekend, when we made the bedroom switch and moved Claire into her own room, she brought her sleeping bag into the boys' room at bedtime and said "I want to sleep by David. I missed him."

The ballet performance was based on the book The Squire and the Scroll. It's a bit too didactic in its allegorical nature for my taste but it's an engaging tale nonetheless.

The kids love the story. We read it a few times prior to going and then got dressed up and went to see the ballet version of it. It was magical for the kids. We saw some of the dancers after the performance and then came home and had ice cream and hot chocolate.

Today we acted out the story. David was the knight. Claire was the squire. And me? I was the red dragon. Good times.

In place of a pet...

2010-03-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

For a number of reasons, we will not be getting a pet (at least if it's up to me...Jon really want to get a bird).

Aside from the developmentally delayed gerbil we adopted from our school and a couple of rabbits who ended up as meat at a rabbit farm (something of which I only found out in my adult years), I never had a pet growing up or at least one that I felt connected with.

I do see beauty in the relationships that people establish with their furry friends and do agree that in many ways I've missed out on something. However, I remain resolute in my decision not to have pets.

To compensate, I've started buying dog treats and cat food for the pets of our neighbors. The kids love feeding Whitby, Francie, Piper, and Joey (in Jacob's case, it's throwing the biscuit as soon as the dog comes close).

I also try to visit pet stores with the kids when time allows. A huge act of love for me as I almost vomit every time I walk into those stores and get engulfed by the smell of the animals.

And, probably because I do feel a bit selfish for inflicting my animal phobias on my children, we've also been reading lots of books that have animals as main characters. Stuart Little, Charlotte's Web and now, The Mouse and the Motorcycle series. Claire, David and I are now into the second book and I think I'm enjoying it as much as they are.

The world of books is often the world I feel most at home in. There, Ralph is a cute and daring mouse. One I'd consider a friend. He's nothing like the mouse that inhabited our basement for awhile last winter. Nothing like the squirrels who made their home in our kitchen ceiling.

the storm

2010-03-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

We shut the door on the kids. That simple act, arguably, was one of the best parenting moves we've ever done.

We had just come back from a church retreat at Timberwolf Lodge. Jon and I were exhausted. All of the people who told us that we were crazy to do a weekend retreat with a newborn (and 3 other kids) were absolutely right. it was crazy.

Despite the craziness, the kids had a glorious time. "This is better than being at home" was David's proclamation as he and Claire and Jacob "settled in" for the night in our 6 bunk bed cabin room, not falling asleep until close to midnight both of the nights we were there.

When we got back home on Sunday afternoon, we unpacked and then had the brilliant idea to put the kids to bed at 6:30, thinking they would fall asleep immediately upon hitting their pillows.

No such luck.

The first sign of the storm was David, at the top of the stairs, yelling "It's a party!" "Go back to bed" we said. A few minutes later we heard a big thud and some muffled laughing and screaming.

This is what we saw when we opened the door to their bedroom: the three kids stripped down to their underwear/diapers, all the bedding from the beds and the closet in a huge pile in the middle of the room, pillows being thrown every which way, and all of them yelling "It's a party!" (though in Jacobese it was "Pardy! Pardy! Pardy!)

As I said, we looked. We shut the door. We went downstairs and let them celebrate for another 1/2 hour.

books i'm reading

2010-03-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

Mitten Strings for God and the gift of an ordinary day (both by Katrina Kenison).

I've really enjoyed reading these books. Will try to remember to add quotes at some point.

Lego guys

2010-02-09T12:17:00.000-08:00

When my sister Sarah came for her weekend visit, she gave the kids a collection of Lego people. My kids LOVED the gift. In fact, Jacob still tries to take some of the Lego people to bed with him (yup, it's official, he has attachment issues).

During his quiet times, when Claire's at school and Jacob and Eli are napping, David likes to play Lego. He's been asking me to play with him. Unlike Jon, I do not jump at such requests. In fact, I have long since even tried to build things out of lego with the kids (I think it was about a year ago when Claire surpassed my lego building skills. She was the one to point that out to me. This is what I get for having a husband who passes along his engineering genes to my kids).

My latest approach when I play with David is to build ramps out of tables, pillows, books and boxes and have his Lego cars zoom down them. We see if any of the Lego guys fall out of the cars and then we take them to the hospital. Not sure how long this strategy will work but for right now, David and I are enjoying it.

"Sorry", "Uno" and "Snap"

2010-02-09T12:10:00.000-08:00

We've been playing a lot of games as a family these past 5 weeks. Too cold to go outside. Too crazy for me to try to do anything outside the house with 4 kids. So, we've been inside...a lot.

David and Claire got Uno for Christmas and love playing it together. David, in particular, seems to love the game. To be more precise, he loves winning. He'll often try to change the rules so that he does win. He also tries to stack the deck when I leave to get some tea or to get Eli. When he's unable to do that, his strategy is to keep playing new games until he is the winner. I think the record number of games we played in a row was 7.

Dare I admit that I've been teaching him how to trash talk when we play games together?
He's a natural.

"Mom, the brothers are annoying me"

2010-02-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

Claire made this comment to me a few days ago.

I can only wonder how many other times she will say this in the years to come :)

BOB

2010-01-13T16:49:00.000-08:00

Jacob seems to have a few OCD tendencies. He likes to take things to bed with him and clutch them as he falls asleep. For awhile it was a toothbrush holder. Then it was some LEGO people. Lately it's been Bob the builder books, not 1 but 4 of them.

not to be out done by his big sister...David's first blog post

2010-01-01T06:45:00.000-08:00

DAVID CLAIRE

Claire's first blog post...phonetic spelling at its best

2010-01-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

VAN DUiNEN DEB JON CLAIRE DAVID JACOB FAMIOY
COUSINS JABN TANA ASR ATSRA AGARN
RBE ATDAN AGPAL
ATCLN AGJL NOWA

claire and the tooth fairy

2010-01-01T06:19:00.000-08:00

As I fumbled around trying to find her two teeth under her pillow at 11:30pm, Claire sat upright in bed.
"I knew it was you Mum", she said.
"What are you talking about? I'm just tucking you in Sweet Pea" I responded, trying to cover up.

I need my kids...

2009-12-06T14:05:00.000-08:00

This past week it snowed for the first time this winter season. On Thursday, we woke up to the world carpeted in pure white.

My first reaction was to sigh and lament the extra work involved in scraping off the car and getting the kids dressed in their hats, mittens, snowpants, boots.

My kids, on the other hand, were so excited. They were outside playing in the snow at 7:45, shreiking with delight as they rolled around in, played with, and ate the snow.

I needed them to remind me of the magic and beauty in snow.

random thoughts

2009-08-31T18:48:00.001-07:00

claire's first day of kindergarten is tomorrow.

jacob is obsessed with wearing shoes, especially ones that are 3 sizes too big.

david loves his new rollerblades, loves to tell people that his dad has some too.

am reading american wife right now. so very interesting.

have started collecting data for my dissertation. never thought i'd actually get to this part.

jon's latest fascination is with ripstiks.

have been dialoguing with friends about the book 40 good reasons not to have kids.

the kids and i picked 8 lbs of blueberries last week.

jon and i have found a new tv show to love and cherish. we miss the days of west wing, six feet under, and the wire. now, we've launched onto mad men. episode 3 and we're officially hooked.

jacob is a very loud kid.

i'm reading the lion, the witch and the wardrobe to claire and david. they are scared of the white witch. claire can't understand why aslan would die. they thought that the witch gave edmund "meat" (their interpretation of turkish...turkey delight). how i love that book.

claire is obsessed with bead art. you put tiny beads on molds and then iron them together. she does this for hours and hours. it's fun to see the patterns she comes up with.

claire's inventive practices also fascinate me. she got the idea of putting a broken crayon in a marker cap/lid so that it's easier to hold. it really does work.

david loves, absolutely loves playing soccer. if only he wouldn't fall down from laughing all the time.

jacob is 1 1/2 going on 5. he has to do everything the big kids are doing. this includes flossing his teeth and using mouthwash.

that's all for now.

I haven't been blogging lately...

2009-07-09T10:22:00.001-07:00

...but I have been resonating with a book titled: Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace (Ayelet Waldman)

David and the roll of peppermints

2009-07-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if the third time is the charm but I managed to survive my third trip to my parents sans Jon.

I bribed. I overindulged my kids with candy. I bought them lots of timbits. I let them listen to the Robert Munsch storytelling CD seven times even though I was annoyed with it the first time. At one point in the trip when all three of them were either whining, crying or complaining, I put in a Natalie Merchant CD and turned up the music very loud.

But, all in all, it was another great experience.

Here are two David memories.

On the drive to Stouffville, I remember (as I think back on it) that he was very quiet for a two hour stretch. At the time I assumed he was just listening to the music. As I cleaned up the car after getting to my parents though, I realized just what was keeping him quiet. We had stopped at my grandparents' place in Sarnia and they had given us a roll of peppermints to take with us. Somehow that brand new roll of peppermints ended up in David's possession. As I discovered, he entertained himself during that two hour stretch by sampling every since peppermint in that roll. Some were dissolved in various stages - they were nicely placed in a semi-circle around his car seat. Others must have been consumed in their entirety.

On the drive home, I tried to limit his sugar intake. I gave a rather large bag of trail mix to David and had a long talk wit him about ratios, about how he needed to eat five nuts or raisins for every M&M and how he WASN"T allowed to eat all the M&Ms. Once again, as I recall, there was a stretch of our trip home when David was very quiet. At the time, I think I assumed he was busy counting. When I got home and discovered the bag of trail mix, I found out that dear David did not grasp the concept of ratios but that he had taken to heart my command to not eat all the M&Ms. There was one M&M left in the bag. The bag was still full.

"No!" he said shaking his finger at me

2009-07-09T09:35:00.000-07:00

Because of David Shannon's book No David, we've associated that word with David. Lately though, it seems to be Jacob's credo.

When I tell him not to do something ("No Jacob - you can't put your hands in the toilet"), he's been imitating me and repeating "No, no, no". Pursed lips. Index finger wagging.

When David tripped and banged his head against the door, Jacob walked up to the door, bent down to where David's head hit it, and sternly wagged his finger. "No, no, no"

When he's in bed and finds his empty water cup off to the corner, he picks it up. "No, no, no" he says, shaking both his finger and the cup at the same time (no small feat).

How to Eat Fried Worms...

2009-05-25T07:58:00.001-07:00

Claire, David and I are reading How to Eat Fried Worms.

Jon and I both remember reading it when we were younger.

It's not a terribly well written book but the concept is fascinating. We just read the part where the boy's mom is thinking about making Wormloaf or Wormballs and Spaghetti.

I bought the kids some gummy worms so they could act parts of the story out.

Claire has decided that she would eat 15 worms but only if she could have 10 days in between eating each one.

David says that he would eat all of them in one shot.

He has two noses

2009-05-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

Jon convinced David that Jacob now has two noses.

It's a long story.

Two weeks ago, we were talking with our backyard neighbours Trygve and Kristen. They have a dog named Whitby who loves our kids. Our kids love him right back.

Kristen threw a ball for Whitby and it landed right where Jacob was sitting on the grass. In trying to get the ball, Whitby ran right into Jacob, his head hitting Jacob's forehead. Jacob started screaming and so we all focused our attention on him. I picked him up, comforted him and noticed that he had a little bump on his forehead.

Meanwhile, Whitby fell to the ground. None of us noticed it at first but then Tryg and Kristen saw that he was having a seizure and couldn't get up. Scary stuff.

In short though, Jacob stopped crying, the bump on his head went away in a day or so. Whitby ended up being ok (they think he had a concussion...go figure...a dog four times the size of Jacob and Jacob ends up faring better than him!).

A week later, on our neighbor's trampoline, Jacob crashed into David's elbow. Same spot on the forehead as where Whitby hit him. Jacob didn't cry but a goose egg, a huge one, immediately formed on his forehead. There was some bruising on it but it really was so big that it did look like a second nose.

Now, almost a week after the fact, the goose egg is just a nasty looking bruise on his forehead (a conversation piece for anyone who sees Jacob). David, however, is still convinced that Jacob sprouted another nose.

It's official...he's finally walking

2009-05-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

Jacob has FINALLY decided to do more walking that crawling.

At 17 months, it's about time.

I've tried so hard to give him the space he needs to be himself. I've given myself pep talks for months now:

He'll walk when he wants to.
Let him decide when he wants to walk.
Kids don't need to fit into a standardized developmental schedule - they are all individuals.
It's easier and faster for him to crawl.

BUT, can I tell you how many pairs of his pants have the knees ripped on them? Can I tell you how frustrating it is when we're at a public restroom and I can't put him on the ground? Can I tell you how filthy he gets from crawling around on the dirt, grass, sand, cement in our backyard?

"My life is going by so fast" she said

2009-05-23T17:58:00.000-07:00

We've been talking a lot about kindergarten lately.

Claire had her last day of preschool yesterday. As she was getting ready for school, she told me that she was feeling happy and sad at the same time. Happy because she's going to kindergarten in the fall. Sad because she will miss her preschool teacher Miss Meghan.

After preschool was over, the kids and I went for a walk. "Mom, my life is going by so fast" Claire declared as we walked down 8th Street. "I can't believe I'm going to kindergarten already."

Yes, my darling girl, your life has gone by quickly.

I remember pushing you in the stroller down 8th Street (when the stroller was much much newer and cleaner), I remember when you didn't want to go in the stroller any more but wanted to walk (oh so very slowly) by yourself, I remember when you found out how fast you could fly on Cappy and I had to run to keep up, I remember when you rode your tricycle, I remember last summer when you learned to ride your two wheeler. And, I will remember this moment. Walking on 8th Street, on a warm May afternoon, with the two boys in the stroller and you beside me contemplating life and your place in the world.

Bonnie Miller-McLemore, in her book In the Midst of Chaos - Caring for Children as a Spiritual Practice, (2007) writes about "mundane grief", about how, if "day-to-day parenting is a practice that is deeply spiritual, and if parenting is filled with loss, then learning to grieve within families is essential to our lives with God and one another".

Parents "inevitably begin losing their children as soon as they are born," remarks historican Anne Higonnet. In fact, the word care, according to poet Kathleen Norris, "derives from an Indo-European word mening to 'cry out' as in a lament." In her poem, "Ascension," written as she thinks about her birthing sister bearing down in labor on the day commemorating Jesus' rising to heaven, she pictures the "new mother, that leaky vessel" nursing her child, "beginning the long good-bye." beginning the long good-bye. (p. 180)

Miller-McLemore importantly points out that these moments of mundane grief, these times of letting go also need to be seen as celebrated moments of blessing. After all, a parent's role is to prepare one's child for these new steps and stages.

And so, Claire-bear, as I struggle with letting go and celebrate what you are excited about and ready for, I guess you could say that I feel sad and happy as well.

what i've been thinking about

2009-05-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

i have been in academia long enough to recognize patterns in my behavior.

whenever i get stressed or overly anxious about my school work, i become increasingly interested in any other non-school related topics/issues - all in the effort to procrastinate and fantasize about doing work on other interesting topics.

lately, my interest has been in parenting articles/perspectives. in all honesty, i seem to just stumble across them (an article in our local newspaper, a segment on npr that i listened to while i was driving, casual disscussions with friends).

anyway, here are two of the most recent ones. perhaps some day, i'll do scholarly work on the cultural themes/discourses across these pieces/perspectives and my positionality in relation to them. but first i need to finish (or actually start) my dissertation :)

http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103794433

claire wants her own space

2009-05-13T18:36:00.001-07:00

Our three kids all share one bedroom.

This seems to be working well, aside from the hour long parties that they have when we put them to bed. Last night, it was a "rain party". Claire tore up multiple sheets of paper and threw them off her top bunk, making them rain down on David's bed and the floor. Jacob, not to miss out on the fun, stood up in his crib and laughed with delight.

Claire, however, just might need her own space. As I've written about before, her bed has become "her" little world. At first, she kept a few stuffed animals by her pillow. Then she added blankets and little pillows for them. Then it was little boxes of treasures. And now, the head of her bed AND the side of her bed are full of boxes, paper, trinkets, special things, and the list goes on. Have I mentioned that there's also a boom box at the foot of her bed with two buckets full of stuff on top of it?

The other night she told me that she wished she had two beds. She immediately corrected herself and changed the number to three. Why? She has plans to put her entire dresser up in one of her beds "so the boys don't get into it".

I'm thinking we might need to honor her desire for a little more space...

April Fools Day - David style

2009-04-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

I taught the kids about how to play April Fools Day tricks today.

David was hilarious. He would come up with the most random thing and then say it in the same breath he would say "April Fools!".

For example,

"Mom - there's a wolf on your head April Fools Day."

Next year I'll need to work on the dramatic pause.

"M-O-M-M-Y"

2009-04-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

Claire is into spelling. Over the past several days, she has tried to spell instead of say words. Granted, she has a very limited repertoire of words that she knows how to spell but somehow, the spelling of these ten words in everyday conversation has gotten extremely annoying,

This is what it's been like.

Claire: "M-O-M-M-Y"
Me (trying to play along): "Y-E-S- C-L-A-I-R-E?"
Claire: "J-A-C-O-B N-O L" (translation - Jacob is eating a leaf and he shouldn't be)
Me (forgetting about the spelling part): "What? Get that out of your mouth Jacob! Claire - talk to me normally. Did he get that from the tree?"
Claire: "Y-E-S"

...in the whole wide world!"

2009-04-01T17:46:00.000-07:00

The latest Davidism is that when he's doing something he likes, he proclaims in a loud voice, "This is the best in the whole wide world!"

Yesterday he said this five times. Perhaps he has my gift of hyperbole.

"I want to be 4 things"

2009-04-01T17:40:00.000-07:00

This evening, while I was at MSU, Jon tried to explain to Claire that I was a student and a teacher at the same time. It was hard for her to understand until Jon described it as similar to how she is going to be a "mom and a pastor at the same time" (this is per her talk with Jon several months ago when he impressed upon her that she could be a mom AND something else as well).

The description seemed to be lost on Claire as she immediately corrected Jon and said that she now wants to be four things at the same time when she grows up. Her words: "I want to be a mom, a basketball player, a swimmer, and....(dramatic pause) a volleyball player"

Hmm. The kid can't swim yet, has never played basketball or volleyball and doesn't appear to have much overall athletic talent or drive. But, there it is. Claire, age 5, life ambitions.

Why is she wearing that dress?

2009-03-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

I took David James into church with me on Sunday so that he could hear Claire sing in the children's choir.

As we sat there waiting for church to start, he amused himself by point out the people around us that he knew. When Kama, wearing her robe, started the service by reading from the liturgy, David blurted out, "Why is she wearing that dress?"

Good to be reminded of things that I don't notice anymore.

Not so good to be trying to keep David quiet when he found out I forgot the peppermints.

Spending the afternoon together

2009-03-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

The boys are napping and Claire and I are making crafts together. The table is covered with craft supplies - beads, buttons, necklace string, Q-tips, markers. Right now we're gluing beads onto old CDs.

Claire takes a break from her work. "I see two fans on the ceiling Mom" she tells me. Then, in an almost reverent tone, she explains, "When you cross your eyes, you can see two of everything!"

like father... like mother

2009-02-13T12:02:00.000-08:00

Grandma Elly put together a Valentine's bag for us and we opened it yesterday. Among other things, she included 5 Kit Kat chocolate bars. I gave Claire and David one to eat yesterday afternoon during tea time.

Here's the difference between my oldest two:

Claire: Oh look (she says as she tears open the wrapper)! There's two chocolate bars here. I'm going to save one for tomorrow.

David: (no response - he's stuffing both bars in his mouth).

Claire: David! Save one of your bars for tomorrow. You want to do that (she's become quite the master of manipulation and can talk her brother into doing almost anything). I'm doing that. Come on David. Save one for tomorrow (she pulls one of the bars out of his mouth).

We put the two pieces of chocolate in a special container and place it on the window sill.

The next morning at breakfast David spies the chocolate.

David: Mom. I need my chocolate.

I give them the chocolate bars after they finish with their granola.

Claire: Look Mom. I'm breaking up my chocolate bar into five little pieces so I can save some of them till later.

David: (no response). Big smile with chocolate all over his lips.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

2009-02-12T19:59:00.000-08:00

I had forgotten what a delightful tale this book is.

Claire and I started reading it today during the boys' nap time.

I was only going to read the first 2 chapters.

We read 9.

Matters of the heart

2009-02-12T19:48:00.000-08:00

Dancing with delight is how I often describe what we do when we hear that family members/friends have had babies.

This week, we've been dancing with delight over the arrival of Gloria Zuidema, the fourth child of my dear friend Sandra and her wonderful husband Tim.

I've been following their blog for awhile because rather early on in Sandra's pregnancy they found out that there were lots of complications with Gloria's heart.

This week, as the kids and I said their bedtime prayers, we prayed for Gloria. I then explained to them that we'll need to pray for her a lot because her heart doesn't work as well as ours. I explained that Gloria has 2 holes in her heart, that part of her heart didn't grow as much as it should have.

From the top bunk, Claire piped up, "Is Jesus still in her heart?"

Yes indeed my darling Claire, he is. I think even more so.

Signing on the dotted line

2009-02-12T19:40:00.000-08:00

Claire now has her own library card. While Jon stayed home with the boys, Claire and I walked to the library a few nights ago and filled out the form.

On the signature line, she wrote her first and last name.

Though the "N"s were backwards and there was an unpredictable mix of lower and upper case letters, there it was. Claire Van Duinen.

It was a beautiful moment. She was so proud, so self aware that this was a big step of independence. Desperately trying to live in the moment and not overanalyze or overemotionalize (a word?) the event, I suggested the only thing that came to mind as I looked at my five year old daughter and her bright eyes and big smile and the new little blue card in her hand,

"Let's go to the coffeeshop and celebrate"

Celebrate we did. We ate cinnamon rolls and then went upstairs and checked out 20 books.

Jacob Two-Two Meets the Hooded Fang - Van Duinen style

2009-01-30T17:54:00.000-08:00

Richler's classic, Jacob Two-Two..., has now become part of our family vocabulary.

"Pretend you're the Hooded Fang" Claire said to me today during lunch. And so, I acted out our Van Duinen version (which ended up being a mix between the book's description of the Hooded Fang and the waitress character named Mrs. Francois - the character that the kids love for me to act out whenever we have moments like this. My acting career ended in middle school. Mrs Francois is the extent of my repertoire.)

Claire's favorite part of the story is when the Hooded Fang starts crying and wails, "I want my mommy." I talked with her about my idea to have a mother daughter book club when she gets older. After I described what people do in a book club, she thought for a moment and then started giggling. "If we had a book club about Jacob Two-Two, I would want to talk about how the Hooded Fang cries and wants his mommy" she said barely able to contain herself.

A delightful book - one that I enjoyed (re)reading as much as Claire did.

Learning from my kids

2009-01-28T19:23:00.000-08:00

The kids are making forts today. As I carry a load a laundry through the room, I stumble over blankets, pillows, and the worlds that they represent. I need to be reminded that everyday objects like the cushions on our ugly couch can be transformed into magical kingdoms, that food tastes better when eaten in a small dark home created by little hands, that the laundry can wait.

Duct tape darling

2009-01-28T19:09:00.000-08:00

Our little man in motion continues in his quest of finding and eating everything in sight.

We can now add duct tape to the list.

To get to this new stage of gourmet eating, Jacob ate through the plastic and foam from the kid sized table and chairs that we have in our toy room. Yup. He ate the plastic (and foam underneath) off the chairs.

To cover it up, Jon slapped down multiple layers of duct tape, priding himself in being able to outsmart the kid.

Alas. The duct tape was intact for just a few hours before we noticed Jacob tearing off pieces of duct tape from the chair.

What's next?

The Deconstructor and the scary Three Little Pigs

2009-01-28T18:59:00.000-08:00

I took Claire and David to a symphony performance this past weekend. Together with the Ballet Company, the GR Symphony performed a version of Little Red Riding Hood.

It was fun. The orchestra members were all wearing different colored shirts depending on their musical "family" and before things began, some orchestra members came into the audience and let kids touch their instruments. The conductor, who Claire referred to as the "deconstructor", was funny and did a great job of having the kids interact with him. (Hmmm. Deconstructor. Have my grad school terms rubbed off on my darling 5 year old?!)

All was going well until the Three Little Pigs ran on stage (this version of Little Red Riding Hood was quite funny).

It was at this point that David got freaked out. He buried his face in my chest for the rest of the performance, emerging only to accept the peppermint, sucker and piece of gum that I offered to him in the hopes of getting him out of his frightened frame of mind. The bribing didn't work. He slobbered on the candy while remaining buried in my shirt.

Put your napkin on your lap!

2009-01-18T13:14:00.001-08:00

I've been working on table manners with the kids. My efforts haven't seemed successful.

Last Sunday, we had Sunday dinner with our friends the Hekmans. As we were all beginning to eat, David shouts out (in his endearing/annoying almost 3 year old voice that only has one volume level) to Grandpa Jim, whose napkin lay untouched beside him,

"Put your napkin on your lap!"

Legos

2009-01-18T13:10:00.000-08:00

Claire got some Legos for her birthday from Aunt Laura and Uncle Jay. We spread them out over the dining room table and Jon helps them create houses, cars, creatures and the like.

Claire needs to get used to the idea that you don't need to make the same things every time you play with Legos. David needs to stop crying every time one of his Lego pieces breaks off. Jacob needs to learn that Legos aren't to be eaten. And Jon? Jon needs to remember that reality exists outside of his Lego worlds :)

Double fisting it

2009-01-18T13:08:00.000-08:00

Jacob has developed a love for holding objects in both of his hands...for extended periods of time. A few days ago, he held a toothbrush in one hand and a dish scrubber in the other all morning. He even went down for his nap tightly holding to both.

Watching football with Claire

2009-01-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

Jon and Claire are sitting on the couch watching some Sunday afternoon football.

I can't help but overhead some of their conversation.

"That car is driving way too fast" (car commercial)

"Dad, do any girls play football?"

"Why are they wearing those masks on their faces?"

"Are they friends with each other?"

"Why do those girls with the pom poms look so silly?" (ok, I added that one)

Jesus saves our skin

2008-12-30T18:44:00.000-08:00

Claire went to a Sunday School class during our time in Stouffville.

On our way back to my parents' house, I asked her what her lesson was about.

"Skin" she replied.

"Oh" I said. I noticed that there were quite a few kids of color in the class when I picked Claire up at the end of the service.

A few seconds later Claire says, "Mom, I know why Jesus was borned."

"Yeah?" I said absentmindedly.

"Jesus came to die for our skin" she said.

It's been quite a week

2008-12-19T18:27:00.000-08:00

Saturday Dec 13 - Sunday Dec 14:
Sweet, sweet bliss for me, Sarah, Dan, Carolyn, and Mom. Bed and Breakfast in Coulburg, ON (for my mom's 60th bday). Out for coffee, lunch, supper. Massages. Lots of talking, laughing, relaxing. AND we didn't miss the kids (though we did talk about them and the hubbies a lot!).

*On the home front in Stouffville - quite a different story. 7 kids under the age of 5. My dad and Joel in charge. They didn't say too much about how it went but the mountain of dirty diapers and bottles said it all.

Sunday Dec 14:
Spent the afternoon away from the house in an attempt to give my parents a break. Ended up at a mall. 7 kids. 3 adults. We tried to take a grocery cart out of Walmat (how else do we transport all the kiddies?) but the wheels locked up on us. Quite a scene. We couldn't find a play area so we spent way too much time in a tiny pet store looking at the puppies. They looked as pathetic and desperate as we did. We ended up walking to McDonalds down the road because they had a playplace.

Monday:
Ikea with 7 kids. We told my parents that we'd buy a futon for them (they need more beds). Bad idea. 5 carts. 3 adults. 7 kids. To top it off, 5 million people seemed to be buying futons and candles as well. Ikea is indeed kid friendly, just not 7 kid friendly.

Tuesday:
Stouffville library with 7 kids. Yet another bad idea. The kids terrorized the children's section. The librarians high fived each other when we left. In the afternoon Sarah and I (with 5 kids) drove to Uncle Joey and Auntie Carol's house to help her celebrate her bday. We came. We saw. We left their house a complete mess. Joel and Carolyn definitely high fived each other when we left.

Wednesday:
Made playdough for the kids. That gave us 10 minutes of quiet. Then, we spent 20 minutes putting on the kids' coats and snowpants and mitts and hats and scarves. 10 minutes later they all came back inside. Then, we got out the legos. 10 more minutes of quiet. Then, we stopped trying and just accepted the chaos.

Thursday:
Took my kids to Dad's school and we played in the kindergarten classroom all morning. In the afternoon we went out for coffee with Dan, Ruby and Nana. Lesson learned - Jacob is too high maintenance to take to a coffee shop. He started gnawing the espresso machine.

Friday:
Skated at the local ice rink. Yet another crazy idea. 5 kids and 2 adults (Dan stayed home with Jacob and Ruby). I about broke my back trying to teach Claire and David how to skate...at the same time. What was I thinking?

Saturday and on:
The fun will continue!! Can't wait for the boys/hubbies to join in the fun. Paul comes tonight. Aron tomorrow. Jon on Sunday. Pete on Monday.

Best Christmas Pageant Ever

2008-12-07T18:43:00.001-08:00

Today Claire, David and I went to our local civic theater and watched a performance of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.

This was a brand new experience for both of them. I had fun teaching them about the stage, about what to do when the lights go out, about how to applaud at the end and so on.

It was my first time seeing this play. I have to admit that I had tears in my eyes at the end. I'm not quite sure what it was but I think it was the reminder that all too often, it's the people we'd least expect who are the ones who really get the Christmas/Christian message.

David kept quiet the whole play (probably due to the fact that he was chewing on a piece of gum). I wasn't sure how much of the play he understood.

Right before the play ended though, one of the characters took baby Jesus (a doll) off the stage. Immediately, David blurted out in the most angry sounding tone that his rather high pitched little boy's voice could muster (small theater + we had front row seats = everyone heard), "Where is baby Jesus going?"

I think he got it.

"Mom - is this true?"

2008-12-07T18:26:00.000-08:00

"Is this a true story Mom? Did it really happen?"

Lately Claire has been asking these kinds of questions. It seems important to her to find out which stories we read are ones that really happened or are ones that are "made up". It makes me laugh when I see her smugly decide it on her own, especially when it's a story that's any bit scary. "I know that didn't really happen" she says as I turn the page of Kimmel's Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins and we gaze upon a spooky and mean looking goblin. "Goblins aren't real".

These kinds of conversations have me thinking about truth and Truth. The Narnia Chronicles, for example, didn't really happen but I think they're True. Same with The Lord of the Rings. I resist notions of truth being boiled down to historical fact because it posits history as neutral.

It strikes me that as an almost 5 year old, Claire's quest for "truth" is something that happened so naturally, so readily.

"Mom, why do you say ....."

2008-11-24T19:12:00.000-08:00

David's latest:

Whenever I say an interesting or new or big word, David has gotten into the habit of saying to me, "Mom, why do you say _______"

This morning I told the kids that I was annoyed with their bickering. David responds, "Mom, why do you say annoying?"

It makes me laugh.

funny

2008-11-11T08:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I found Jacob sitting by the bookshelf, at least 20 books on the ground beside him. He was eating a book cover. There was only half of the back cover still in tact.

The book?

Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger

Aptly chosen little one. Aptly chosen.

Just can't keep up with him...

2008-11-09T18:20:00.000-08:00

Jon and I just can't keep up with Jacob. He seems to be always in something he's not supposed to...

eating the soil in our house plants,
putting his hands in the toilet,
climbing up the stairs,
opening up our garbage drawer and putting garbage out,
destroying Claire and David's toys,
and,
the very latest,
gnawing on the small tree that we have in our living room.

I kid you not.
It looks like there is a family of beavers in our house.

3 for 3

2008-11-09T11:07:00.001-08:00

Ear infections aren't contagious.

Despite this, all three kids have ear infections (double ear infections to be precise).

Three different doctors visits this past week.

Three bottles of amoxicilian in our fridge door (all to be taken at different times and in different quantities).

Three different sounding coughs in the middle of the night (tag teaming each other).

Jon and I are tired but so thankful that having sick kids isn't the norm for us.

I've been chewing on this (sent to me from my mom)

2008-11-02T18:01:00.000-08:00

My mom sends me things to read. The topics vary. Sometimes she finds things she knows I've been thinking about. Sometimes it's things she thinks I should be thinking about. Whatever it is, I always read them and I'm always prompted to think about something in them.

Over the years, my collection of photocopied articles and newspaper clippings has grown. So has my deep appreciation for this gift of learning, thinking and fostering dialogue among loved ones that my mom has modeled so well for me.

A recent article she sent me was entitled: The building blocks of being a dad (Larry Matthews, Globe and Mail, June 15, 2008). Though it's about being a dad, I think what Matthews writes about applies to both fathers and mothers.

He writes,

Fatherhood came to me at age 30, thrusting me into a role that was both mysterious and mundane. The mundane came in a barrage of infant needs. Thankfully my wife had prepared, studying how-to books well in advance of our son's birth, and bringing forward the collected wisdom of a durable Atlantic community. I served as the assistant, and was on a steep learning curve. One lesson I learned about the care of another human being that the mundane – the food and clothes and diapers and equipment – is inescapable. I have been slower to grasp the mystery...

...And that is the mystery – that helping raise these tiny creatures for whom I was responsible would create a profound desire for them own heart, and that a parent’s need for a child continues to grow. How utterly I have come to need my children, how deeply they move me, and how powerful they have become in my life.

...I caught a glimpse of a procession of fathers marching across the Canadian Tire parking lot. Each man is drawn by the child in front, the past pursuing the present and, through them, our hopes for the future. In my vision my father, who is 81, and will cross town to see his son, followed me and behind him, my grandfather, and behind him, my great-grandfather, all drawn forward by their daughters and sons.

In front of me strode my son, oblivious to my vision, and not thinking at all of the sons and daughters I hope he has some day, so they may teach him what it is to play freely, to need others deeply and to know pure joy.

The mundane and the mystery. I like that.

Some thoughts from "Taking Faith Home"

2008-11-02T17:56:00.000-08:00

Every week at our church, there's a "Taking Faith Home" slip of paper to take home with us.

This week, there's a quote I really liked:

Christian parenting is not about having it all together or following a predetermined pattern. It involves living daily in dependence on God's grace and love in Christ. And as we do, we teach our children the most important lesson of all: that God is for and with them in Jesus, no matter what.

One step forward, two steps back

2008-10-27T18:53:00.001-07:00

After spending hours plotting and planning how to get David to give up his pacifier, one night, as we were putting the kids to bed, we simply couldn't find the overused, fungus infected thing. We searched everywhere. It wasn't to be found.

We had a quick conference in our bedroom and decided to tell David the truth - that we couldn't find it and that he'd have to sleep without it. We expected screaming, crying, the works.

He went to sleep no problem.

Though he did wake up twice in the night and ask for it, he fell back to sleep both times after I tucked him back in.

He hasn't asked us for it since.

I will not miss those frantic 3 am searches under his bed, those army crawls in the car or minivan, trying to locate the blasted thing.

I will, however, miss my afternoon quiet times with Claire. Ever since giving up the soother, David has stopped taking afternoon naps. Occasionally now he'll fall asleep but it seems that my days of the boys napping in the afternoon while Claire and I sip tea and talk books is over.

Why did I want him to get rid of his pacifier again?!

Questions for Dad at dinner time

2008-10-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

During dinner every night, the kids ask Jon two questions (and generally they fight about who gets to ask which question):

How was work?

How was the car ride?

I added the latter questions in an effort to quell the fighting between Claire and David over who got to ask Jon how his day went. But, as I should have guessed, adding a second question did not end the argueing. In fact, it only amplified it. Now they not only bicker over which question they get to ask but also about who gets to ask it first. AND, the irony is that they don't seem to paying attention to Jon's responses.

As a side note: I always love hearing Jon's answers because sometimes it's a struggle for him to put into words his 8 hour office job experience (particularly when he is working on a complicated airport project - hard to describe it in kidspeak) and his 1.5 hour car drive.

Yesterday after lunch David randomly asked me how work was (the twinkle in his eye when he asked it clearly communicated the fact that he knew he was being funny).

I told him that it was fine. Then I asked him the famous two questions. Here's how the exchange went:

Deb: David, how was work?
David: (pause) It was good.
Deb: How was the car ride?
David: (pause). Fine. I had a good book to listen to.

A good reminder to me that even when we don't think kids are listening, make no mistake, they are!

Semantics?

2008-10-27T18:12:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I tried to convinced Jon that the reason we're so tired when we go to bed is that we live a full life. (I also suggested to him that some day, when we're older and having trouble falling asleep or sleeping in, we'll look back on this season of our lives and envy our abilities to fall asleep the minute our heads hit the pillows). I have to admit that I'm not sure he was convinced.

In a phone call with my dear friend Heidi, she commented to me that the difference between being "busy" and "living a full life" has got to be more than just semantics.

Right on.

And so, I work towards articulating that difference in words but also deeds.

Prior knowledge

2008-10-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

It's been raining for the past few days. The kids and I have done a lot of playing indoors. Yesterday I helped them build a fort in their bedroom. It was fun.

It was even more fun to overhear the kids playing as I sorted through their summer and winter clothes.

Claire acted out Little House on the Prairie (books we've read together), the story in the Bible when Herod decided to kill all the baby boys (she and David had to run away from the giant so that her babies wouldn't get killed..there seems to be some confusion between the David and Goliath story and the Herod story), music class (she goes to music class once a week and led me, as "Mary" through one of the activities she does there), and preschool show and tell (she asked me the kinds of questions that her teacher asks her when she does show and tell).

In the education field, we talk a lot about students' prior knowledge and the importance of tapping into what they know and experience. Claire's collage of stories and experiences, all acted out in a 1 hour of rainy day play, reminds me of how complex and multifaceted kids/students are, and, of what an impossible job that teachers, and parents, have.

Multitasking

2008-10-25T08:05:00.000-07:00

As a mom, I need to multitask...all the time.

Sometimes I think the cumulative effect of almost 5 years of doing this, has left me with a very short attention span (I think about this whenever I sit down to do my school work).

"A series of unfinished conversations" is how I like to describe some of my friendships with other moms of young kids. I just never seem to be able to finish a sentence when I talk with them as our kids play.

It's easy to frame this as a necessity, as something that I need to do, that moms have to do during this season of life. I've been wondering though if more of what I need to do is to live more fully in the present, in the moment, in the particular time, space, and task.

Picture this

2008-10-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

David James wore a new flannel button down shirt yesterday. It was very cute on him.

Then, when we were playing "fort" upstairs, he decided that he wanted to wear a dress just like Claire. He picked out a pink ballerina outfit (complete with a tutu). He took off his jeans and pulled the dress over top of his flannel shirt. The dress was tight on him. This left him looking like a muscle man wearing a short pink dress.

Claire decided that she was "Ma", that David was "Pa" , that I was "Mary" and that Jacob was "baby Carrie" (from Little House...).

Watching bare legged "Pa" leave the fort to hunt deer (per Claire's command) was laugh out loud material.

Family game night

2008-10-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

Our Sunday night family game night tradition has been going strong.

David generally picks the game "Have you seen my cat?" (which is hard to do with only 3 people in the circle but for some reason he LOVES playing it)

Jacob loves it when we sit him in the middle of our circle and sing "Ring Around the Rosie" around him.

Claire has been experimenting with her own made up games. Yesterday it was one that she modified from her music class. She distributed 3 objects to each of us (Jon, David and me) while we closed our eyes. She then calls out "Who has _____?" and we have to show the object if we have it.

I've taken it as my duty to introduce new games and activities. Last week we did Sculpturades with play dough. Last night we did finger puppet shows for each other.

We laugh a lot when we do family game night.
It's good.
For all of us.

My legs don't work

2008-10-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

David's new line is: "My legs don't work". As he says it, he promptly falls on the ground and lays there, waiting for Jon or I to pick him up. We're not sure where it came from but he says this at least a dozen times each day.

Last night, as he was racing for the stairs, he noticed that Jon was carrying Claire on his back. Immediately he made his proclamation and proceeded to prostrated himself on the floor.

Claire, the oh so helpful big sister, yelled down the stairs, "Just crawl on your belly David".

The parable of the girl and her dolls/stuffed animals

2008-10-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

We were reading the parable of the Good Shepherd a few nights ago after dinner.

Then, after I put the kids in bed am was kissing them good night, Claire practically burst into tears because her "Good night" bear was missing. Though there were at least 20 dolls and other stuffed animals carefully positioned around her, she waxed and waned quite poetically about how she couldn't fall asleep without him.

After a 15 minute search throughout the house, I located the bear and brought it up to her.

Just as in the parable, there was great rejoicing for the one that was lost and that was now found.

Claire's big debut

2008-10-12T17:47:00.000-07:00

Last night we had our block party. And, as the grand finale, we had our annual talent show (I'm still trying to convince Jon to read poetry with me!). The kids on the block all do something or the other. This year, Claire surprised us by wanting to participate in it. She wanted to show all the neighbors that she could ride a two wheeler.

When it was her turn to perform, all the audience members turned their chairs to watch. She hopped on the bike. Jon stood behind her to help her get started. And then she took off in fine fine form.

And then...she fell. I think she started wobbling on the dirt (our street is under construction) and then tried to overcorrect herself. But, she fell. Her very first fall off her bike (she's a rather cautious and careful biker so she doesn't take a lot of risks). And, she cried a lot.

But five minutes later, she was back to her happy self, chowing down on the candy she got from the pinata and quite proud of the new scrapes on her knees.