"My life is going by so fast" she said

We've been talking a lot about kindergarten lately.

Claire had her last day of preschool yesterday. As she was getting ready for school, she told me that she was feeling happy and sad at the same time. Happy because she's going to kindergarten in the fall. Sad because she will miss her preschool teacher Miss Meghan.

After preschool was over, the kids and I went for a walk. "Mom, my life is going by so fast" Claire declared as we walked down 8th Street. "I can't believe I'm going to kindergarten already."

Yes, my darling girl, your life has gone by quickly.

I remember pushing you in the stroller down 8th Street (when the stroller was much much newer and cleaner), I remember when you didn't want to go in the stroller any more but wanted to walk (oh so very slowly) by yourself, I remember when you found out how fast you could fly on Cappy and I had to run to keep up, I remember when you rode your tricycle, I remember last summer when you learned to ride your two wheeler. And, I will remember this moment. Walking on 8th Street, on a warm May afternoon, with the two boys in the stroller and you beside me contemplating life and your place in the world.

Bonnie Miller-McLemore, in her book In the Midst of Chaos - Caring for Children as a Spiritual Practice, (2007) writes about "mundane grief", about how, if "day-to-day parenting is a practice that is deeply spiritual, and if parenting is filled with loss, then learning to grieve within families is essential to our lives with God and one another".

Parents "inevitably begin losing their children as soon as they are born," remarks historican Anne Higonnet. In fact, the word care, according to poet Kathleen Norris, "derives from an Indo-European word mening to 'cry out' as in a lament." In her poem, "Ascension," written as she thinks about her birthing sister bearing down in labor on the day commemorating Jesus' rising to heaven, she pictures the "new mother, that leaky vessel" nursing her child, "beginning the long good-bye." beginning the long good-bye. (p. 180)

Miller-McLemore importantly points out that these moments of mundane grief, these times of letting go also need to be seen as celebrated moments of blessing. After all, a parent's role is to prepare one's child for these new steps and stages.

And so, Claire-bear, as I struggle with letting go and celebrate what you are excited about and ready for, I guess you could say that I feel sad and happy as well.

what i've been thinking about

i have been in academia long enough to recognize patterns in my behavior.

whenever i get stressed or overly anxious about my school work, i become increasingly interested in any other non-school related topics/issues - all in the effort to procrastinate and fantasize about doing work on other interesting topics.

lately, my interest has been in parenting articles/perspectives. in all honesty, i seem to just stumble across them (an article in our local newspaper, a segment on npr that i listened to while i was driving, casual disscussions with friends).

anyway, here are two of the most recent ones. perhaps some day, i'll do scholarly work on the cultural themes/discourses across these pieces/perspectives and my positionality in relation to them. but first i need to finish (or actually start) my dissertation :)

http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103794433

claire wants her own space

Our three kids all share one bedroom.

This seems to be working well, aside from the hour long parties that they have when we put them to bed. Last night, it was a "rain party". Claire tore up multiple sheets of paper and threw them off her top bunk, making them rain down on David's bed and the floor. Jacob, not to miss out on the fun, stood up in his crib and laughed with delight.

Claire, however, just might need her own space. As I've written about before, her bed has become "her" little world. At first, she kept a few stuffed animals by her pillow. Then she added blankets and little pillows for them. Then it was little boxes of treasures. And now, the head of her bed AND the side of her bed are full of boxes, paper, trinkets, special things, and the list goes on. Have I mentioned that there's also a boom box at the foot of her bed with two buckets full of stuff on top of it?

The other night she told me that she wished she had two beds. She immediately corrected herself and changed the number to three. Why? She has plans to put her entire dresser up in one of her beds "so the boys don't get into it".

I'm thinking we might need to honor her desire for a little more space...

April Fools Day - David style

I taught the kids about how to play April Fools Day tricks today.

David was hilarious. He would come up with the most random thing and then say it in the same breath he would say "April Fools!".

For example,

"Mom - there's a wolf on your head April Fools Day."

Next year I'll need to work on the dramatic pause.

"M-O-M-M-Y"

Claire is into spelling. Over the past several days, she has tried to spell instead of say words. Granted, she has a very limited repertoire of words that she knows how to spell but somehow, the spelling of these ten words in everyday conversation has gotten extremely annoying,

This is what it's been like.

Claire: "M-O-M-M-Y"
Me (trying to play along): "Y-E-S- C-L-A-I-R-E?"
Claire: "J-A-C-O-B N-O L" (translation - Jacob is eating a leaf and he shouldn't be)
Me (forgetting about the spelling part): "What? Get that out of your mouth Jacob! Claire - talk to me normally. Did he get that from the tree?"
Claire: "Y-E-S"

...in the whole wide world!"

The latest Davidism is that when he's doing something he likes, he proclaims in a loud voice, "This is the best in the whole wide world!"

Yesterday he said this five times. Perhaps he has my gift of hyperbole.

"I want to be 4 things"

This evening, while I was at MSU, Jon tried to explain to Claire that I was a student and a teacher at the same time. It was hard for her to understand until Jon described it as similar to how she is going to be a "mom and a pastor at the same time" (this is per her talk with Jon several months ago when he impressed upon her that she could be a mom AND something else as well).

The description seemed to be lost on Claire as she immediately corrected Jon and said that she now wants to be four things at the same time when she grows up. Her words: "I want to be a mom, a basketball player, a swimmer, and....(dramatic pause) a volleyball player"

Hmm. The kid can't swim yet, has never played basketball or volleyball and doesn't appear to have much overall athletic talent or drive. But, there it is. Claire, age 5, life ambitions.