Sunday, March 30, 2008

Of fairy tales and gender stereotypes

On the weekends I go for morning runs with a few other women who live in my neighborhood. I've been doing this for about a year now and have come to really look forward not only to the chance to get some exercise but also to talk with these women, all of whom are very smart and thoughtful.

This morning we talked about reading fairy tales to our kids. Should we? Which versions? I've been reading a book on children's literature by a Regent prof and she strongly advocates for fairy tales (in their original versions) so that children can learn about right and wrong, good and evil, so that they can develop their moral framework for the world.

I think she's right. The "Disney-fication" of fairy tales with their watered down plot lines and characters is abominable.

But, even the original versions of these fairy tales are culturally based. Some are just so graphic (is that right for my kids to read a story about suffocating an old mother? about baking little kids?) and some have definite gender and ethnic stereotyping if not prejudice (e.g. villains are often the "dark skinned" ones)

Ah. What to do? Ignorance is indeed bliss.

Oh dear...

And here we thought we were being so original with Jacob's name. I just discovered that "Jake Justice" is the name of a Rescue Hero (you can buy these action figures at any toy store). Here's the write up on the Rescue Heroes website:

"It’s the Camouflage Crew™ to the rescue! Whenever and wherever there’s danger or trouble, the Rescue Heroes® Camouflage Crew™ blasts out of the background, ready for rescue action! Jake Justice™ and his canine companion Buster are ready to leap out of the shadows and into action at the first sign of danger! When they spring onto the scene, make sure you push the button to set off Buster’s siren and alert everyone around! If there’s trouble in sight and you don’t know what to do, just look around for the Camouflage Crew!"

Oh dear. At least we know what to get him for Christmas one year.

What music are you listening to lately?

Someone recently asked me this question. And, since Jon's been encouraging me to get out of my "college rut" and start listening to new musicians/bands other than my tried and true collection of "whiny female singers" (Sarah, Norah, Patty, Over the Rhine, Natalie, Gillian etc), I had an answer ready.

I said that I've been listening to The Great Lake Swimmers, Neko Case, and The New Pornographers.

But then, as I was in bed today (mastitis once again) and I heard Jacob gurgle and coo as he lay next to me and I heard Jon and the kids playing and laughing outside of my bedroom window, I realized that I've been listening to this music too.

Friday, March 28, 2008

"Mama...can you tell me a story?"

Claire loves, absolutely loves to hear me tell stories about when she was younger.

Here's the list of the most frequently told requested stories:

These are the dramatic ones:
1. When she had a fever and got red spots everywhere (Nana and Papa were visiting, we had just moved into our house, 2004)
2. When she drank the bottle of cough medicine and I had to take her to the ER (2006).
3. When she put a bottle of household cleaner in her mouth and we had to call Poison Control (2004).
4. When she slammed the dining room door on David's finger and we had to take him to the ER (2006).
5. When she fainted when David was getting blood drawn and I didn't know which kid to help...Claire out on the floor, David screaming in my lap and Jacob crying in his carseat (Feb 2008)
6. When she had two ear infections on Christmas Eve (2004).

As you might notice, all these stories involve doctors, hospitals and health. I wonder if she already is showing an interest in the medical field...

These are the less dramatic but nonetheless entertaining ones:
1. When she and I flew on an airplane to be there for when Jabin was born...but he was born 2 weeks late and we missed his birth because we had to fly back.
2. When we visited Nana and Papa and she was awake the entire 8 hour drive there.
3. When we visited Grandma in California (trip 1 before David was born; trip 2 last year)
4. When she cut her hair at Nana and Papa's while Jon and I were on a canoe trip.
5. When she went through her "Dora underwear stage" and took her 12 pairs of Dora underwear with her wherever she went.
6. When her taggie blanket caught fire because I left it on the stove and then started making tea.
7. When her taggie blanket the second caught on fire because I left it on the stove AGAIN.

Of incorrect pronouns and such

Claire-isms:

"David cough-es and sneezes"
"Daddy's at him's office"

There's different ways of looking at her way of speaking.

There's the view that she's speaking incorrectly. Lots of adults hold this view, not only about the ways children speak but also about the ways other, nonmainstream, adults speak.

There's also the view that it's amazing how Claire uses verb tenses and pronouns without ever having been formally taught about them.

I'm going to go with the latter and marvel at how children have an incredible ability to acquire language.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Pretend...or maybe not

"Mom, pretend you don't know Jesus"

This has been Claire's latest "pretend activity" (she's been asking me to pretend that I don't know certain things so she can teach me them)

She asks me the question and then leaves the room and comes back in with a tiny scribbled on piece of paper and says, "Do you know about Jesus?" To which I respond, on command, "No I don't. Tell me about Jesus".

Claire then opens her piece of paper and "reads" her story about Jesus "getting died" and "then getting alive."

Her evangelistic mission ends with an enthusiastic rendition of "Alive, alive, alive forever more"

I could learn from this enthusiasm.

Where does she come up with this stuff?

I asked Claire to go downstairs and get her dress from the laundry basket in the living room.

"I can't Mom. I'm a poor woman and I can't get down from my bed."

Where does she come up with this stuff?

"Age appropriate books" - what does this mean anyway?

There are times in my life when my two worlds (that of being a mom at home and that of being a PhD student at MSU) collide and crash.

There are other times when they beautifully complement each other.

Teaching a children's literature class to MSU sophomores/juniors has allowed the complementing to happen much more often. I'm so very grateful for that.

Last night, I talked with my students about the term "age appropriate" and how absolutely complicated it is. I've been thinking about this topic lately because I've started reading chapter books to Claire. We just finished Charlotte's Web and are now reading Little House in the Big Woods. Both of these books are not "recommended" for 4 year old children.

In my class, I share with my students a Washington Post article that reported about how some parents in a 3rd grade classroom complained when the teacher read aloud to her students from a book containing graphic descriptions of violence against enslaved Africans. The article went on to compare different age recommendations for the book: ALA says its for grades 5-10; Publisher's Weekly says it's for ages 8 and up. Kirkus Review recommends ages 10-12.

In short, this topic is complicated. And yet, like so many other things in life, it seems that many people (educators included) merely accept these recommendations without critical thought. In doing so, they don't expose assumptions about childhood, child development, and literature.

It's official - the boy has a sweet tooth

David, Jacob and I went grocery shopping this morning. For some reason, I can handle going to Meier with two kids (take your pick - the combination doesn't matter) but not three.

We passed the bakery aisle and David marched over to the shelf and pulled off a rather large box of jumbo sized chocolate muffins.

He then proceeded to carry it with him throughout the entire store, stopping at times to put it down to check out other things but always remembering to pick it up. When we got to the checkout lane, he carefully placed it up on the checkout lane and stood there waiting for it to be put in the bag.

Just because the whole thing was so darn funny, and he was so cute carrying a box that was almost half his size, I almost bought them for him.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

How could I forget?

A lot of people have been telling us that Jacob looks like Claire did when she was a baby.

I hadn't been agreeing.

But then today Claire and I looked at some of her 3 month old baby pictures (gosh - Jon and I look so young!).

She and Jacob do in fact look very similar. The mop of receding brown hair. The cute little chin. The big blue eyes.

How could I have forgotten what Claire looked like back then? How is it possible to "forget" the face that I gazed into, the face that I held at my breast for over a year, the face that I, as a first time mom, loved to watch and study and love?

My dirty secret

OK. I'm not proud of it but I'll admit it.

I bribe.

I tried the "intrinsic motivation" approach, an approach I wholeheartedly support in theory but after Claire got toilet trained because of the promise of Dora underwear, I decided to accept my fate and switch camps (at least in parenting).

I've been bribing ever since.

This time around it's Fruit Loops. The only way David will sit on the toilet is if Claire or I fill a small cup of Fruit Loops for him to munch on while he sits...and does nothing. I'm trying to convince myself that at least getting him to sit on the toilet is progress enough for now.

But then, after he enjoyed his 6 Fruit Loops and did nothing on the toilet, he got off and ran around his bedroom. Naked. And then proceeded to pee on the carpet.

Monday, March 24, 2008

A little man of little words

David has mastered the style of short and succinct sentences. In fact, he specializes in the two word sentence . Or is it the one word two sentence sequence?

Here are some of his favorites:

When tattletaling on his sister: "Claire naughty."
When trying to postpone bedtime: "Momma water." "Daddy book."
When getting mad that I'm feeding Jacob: "Baby down."
When asking for food: "Candy now."; "Cookie please?" "Pepmit Pepmit."
When showing love to Jacob: "Yacob hug."; "Yacob kiss."

again and again and again

While the boys were napping, Claire and I played "mailman". Here's how it works: I sit at the table and do my school work on my laptop. Claire sits at her desk in the office. We exchange letters under the office door. Usually my letters include some sort of surprise (a peppermint, a few chocolate chips, a craft), probably the reason that Claire likes this activity so much :)

Today, I made her a "fortune teller", something that I made when I was little (Childcraft craft idea). I remember making lots and lots of these back in the day. Claire loved learning how to do the fortune teller...we did it again and again and again.

The beauty of repetition.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Uncle Joey and Aunt Carol

Uncle Joel and Aunt Carolyn just left after visiting us for the weekend. The kids loved playing with them, waking them up in the morning, "stealing hugs" from them (the game Carolyn made up) and showing them all their tricks, toys and talents.

How we all love them so.

Right now I'm really wishing that we lived closer to them, to any of our family members...

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Lenten reflections

As I reflect back on this month, I'm realizing that it was a strangely appropriate Lenten experience. It was one of waiting and worrying and wanting desperately to hope (but not being very good at it).

At David's 2 year old doctor's visit, he was labeled as "failure to thrive" based on his height and weight growth. In these last 4 weeks, we've had his blood taken, his stool analyzed and just yesterday, even his sweat tested (for cystic fibrosis).

All of it was awful...the tests themselves (for David, for us), the waiting for the test results and the worrying about the "what ifs".

All the tests thus far have come back "normal". Praise God. I cling to Easter hope and promise.

Tea time thoughts

Claire and I were talking as we were waiting for the water to boil for our tea.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked. "A teacher? A doctor? A nurse?"
She thought for a moment.
"I want to be a mom" she said.

Out of the mouths of babes

I was getting breakfast ready for the kids and rushing around.
"Mom - why are you not smiling?" Claire asked.
A good question.

Monday, March 17, 2008

More than I realize

"Mom I'm going in here to do my school work. Can you babysit Hennie? She needs to take a nap. She's not allowed to watch TV. You can call me if she cries. Good-bye."

Hennie is one of Claire's four favorite dolls. Claire loves her very much.

Apparently, Claire also listens quite intently to when I talk to the babysitter.

I missed my chance

"Mom - let's read Charlotte's Web. Please? I want to read Charlotte's Web"
"Claire - I'm tired. Let's read it after I take a little nap."
I took the nap.
Claire went to the playroom and started doing her crafts.
I woke up.
Claire didn't want to read Charlotte's Web anymore.
I missed my chance.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

"If anyone were to ask me what I consider to be the most important feature of parenting, I would say, without hesitation and without wishing to beg the question, simply, enjoyment - enjoy your children. Delight in them, rejoice with them, have good times together, treasure the days of your life that are spent in their company. Days that - although it may not seem so to harried and often worried young parents - are limited...A mother's children are lent to her for a brief time. Children are not a permanent possession" Inside Picture Books - Ellen Handler Spitz

I'm not sure why I needed to read those words. But I did. It's not that I didn't enjoy my kids before I read this, but I think I just didn't keep those thoughts up close to the surface where they belong.
This blog is going to be my record of the delightful, enjoyable moments that I have with my kids.