the year of focused calling

it has begun.

i started calling this year of dissertation writing my year of saying no (to everything except to my family and to my dissertation).

my wise sister Sarah encouraged me to reframe that as my year of focused calling. it's my year to focus specifically on my dissertation, to my calling as a scholar, researcher, writer.

i vacillate between feeling overwhelmed, feeling extremely blessed and fortunate (so few people in this world get the luxury of having the time/opportunity/job to thinking/writing/reading), feeling resentful of the demands of this work (for me, for Jon, for my kids), feeling excited about what i'm researching, and on and on.

i remember in my guidance committee meeting a few years back, one of my committee members asked me about the affordances that motherhood provides for my life as a scholar. the question took me off guard. i hadn't even considered having space in that meeting to discuss such an issue.

years later, i'm still reflecting on that question. and, i'm thinking about the interrelated one: how my scholarship helps me with motherhood/parenting.

more to come.